TRIPAWDS: Home to 13732 Members and 1214 Blogs.
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1yr ago

To my warrior,

I cannot believe its been a year since I’ve lost you, as it feels like you were just next to me…like we were still fighting cancer yesterday. Some of my days are so long yet the year has been so short, my heart still aches for you at a level that comes from the depth of my soul …. I have failed you, in finding myself stuck, but am working hard on fixing that…. remembering that you loved everything around you with such joy and happiness, If only I could grow up to be like you and learn to see the amazing in all things. I loved that the most about you and the way your smile has touched so many. Thank you for choosing me to be your guardian. You carried me more than I could have ever imagined. I will be awaiting my next guardian job. Your footprint….your legacy….will be carried with honor.

(thank you God for blessing me with her, Thank you)


Your Guardian

Neka 7/4/2003-4/5/2016

selfie fun!!

I was going to catch somehting

Neka & horsey sister june 2015

so noble.

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happy birthday my Neka angel

to my precious heart and soul,  I miss you more than any words can say   you’d be officially 13 today!!. I miss you with ALL of my heart and soul. the hole in my heart and my life  is still so soo deep so raw, so eternal. ..but I pray, I pray you are in a place that can understand and a place you are free..!! If I only had one more moment.20160426_224346

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Cool Portriat pics

So I had a painting done of Neka by a really cool artist at

I love that he uses color as accents in the face of the fur-baby. His paintings were just really unique, they really spoke to me and made me instantly think of  Neka & all tripawds, as they are all full of color, their personalities and journeys are colorful and bold.

So here they are. plus a couple other fun ones(just becuz).. if you like them tell them I sent you!!

I couldn’t bring myself to take off the plastic













I made this face when I was eating baby carrots at the barn.. I love baby carrots!!



mom.. what are you doing??!!


so noble.

this is the pic I sent in that he worked off of.. This is one of my favorites because it shows so much of Neka.. her personality; her smile; her inquisitive expression.


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Kinda frustrated…

So I started out writing a very, very, very log post.. regarding my not so impressive consult with an onco that I only saw a couple of times.. But i decided not to and deleted the whole thing, so to just sum it up to say.. Do not settle!!. There is a balance with not liking what you hear even though you need to hear it and also not getting the innovation and direction we all deserve, in EVERY situation, which should always be individualized.   I was  only looking for ways to control the situation at hand while she remains herself. Clearly we missed the mark somewhere.


1)I miss my old onco who moved back to canada,

2) not everyone is as positive and insightful with passion and innovative as Dr Sue… lol.. never met her but her passion resonates through everything I read of hers, even if its sad situation. Because Yes, In cancer we have lots of negatives/ sad situations.

3)note to vets, get to know your owners, understand their background, yes you are an animal MD, but please get to know the pet guardians, this will help to keep open communication

NE way!!.. thats, that….in the meantime..looking into cryosurgery/therapy to possible assist us if needed. Again, on my own!! wheres our advocates. Hoping I can find something.

Heres some spring pics today…





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update oral pathology report…histiocytic vs Hemangiosarcoma

Neither one is good.

well the pathology report is in…Nekas oral mass is malignant neoplasia with mitotic count 22 per 10 high pwr fields…not clean.. which we really already suspected because he just took off the surface mass….

Officially is an Anaplastic sarcoma either a histiocytic or Hemangiosarcoma of unknown origin… so I can have the sample sent for added testing of a Immunohistochemical antigen testing for markers to know more about it and possible ways to treat it.. problem is no clean margins and what would it take for clean margins and can she handle it with all other things going on, I know the specialty center can definitely attack it and clean it out but most likely invasive but sometimes I feel like approach can get stuck in protocols vs maybe non conventional approach. idk dammit dammit…  If i  leave it, it could take over very quickly, I remove it could involve teeth and alot of digging…uug

here some pics of what this little sucker looks like, so urge all guardians to take a peak inside your pooches/cats mouth regularly. I brush her teeth weekly and I still missed it. Just like you check their body, sweep the mouth too, use your phone flashlight while they are panting if you hadn’t conditioned your dog to look inside, and remember for your next pup to condition them to mouth work.

Some of the before pics look more red than others, this is correct, it got more inflamed as time passed..only 5 days





Before biopsy







After biopsy removal and CO2 laser to do flush it to palate… no full marginal excision


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just some more love & fun

So, we had a bit of an annoying possible scare/added challenge to our life. Possible oral mass, out for bx as we speak, not good, I will update on that with pics in a few days with results, but for now I just want to share love and life.




I can do it

I can do it


man I get tired after hopping..

man I get tired after hopping..


yup im cute..!!

yup im cute..!!


I am always, always smiling…every day.. reminding mom.. Im Ok!!

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my Valentine… plus some snow fun!!


my valentine

my valentine

selfie fun!!

selfie fun!!



Eating snow.. Agaain!!

Eating snow.. Agaain!!


I can catch the snow!!

I can catch the snow!!


what did I see!!

what did I see!!



I can get it..its in there!!

I can get it..its in there!!

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Forty in Feb in the midwest with some fun!!… whoa!!

Just an update on what loving life looks like!! Oh and a strange 40+ degrees in Feb..(for the midwest)



I stand proud!!



so…mom said I can’t go in the mud right now, so I just layed and looked at it…lolol


always with an eye on me!!

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I’m kinda amazing!!….. thats all!!

Those that have been following us.. know why I’m amazing!! not that I need a reason or anything.









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hard to believe something is eating her from the inside.

20160102_144905_resized_1So I wanted to just update… its a bit hard to wrap my head around even though I knew walking into it the worst case scenario, but I guess I hoped.. just hoped..  it could be a random fluke..

I took my girl down to the U of I on monday for a CT scan because shes been doing so amazing, a little part of me just couldn’t stand the idea that if the liver mass was the only thing hanging around that maybe I should just address it… but I knew going into it that there could be other masses as well as the biggest concern a heart mass, which was the “suspected” trigger of the pericardial effusion, but since the echo cardiogram(s) didnt show any mass, I had thought worst case its small.. Well after again a 13 hr day of travel and vet office of consulting and tests, the CT revealed that she DOES have a heart mass and TBH it looked huge on scan even though its 2 x3 cm (ish) in the right atrium. Mann thats actually kinda of big especially when you see it in proportion to the heart…I was a bit numb, as I knew a few weeks ago that was a possibility, but had really hoped it was smaller or she was a rare case of idiopathic effusion, being that the echo didnt pick it up, but I learned that apparently it could have been missed and according to onco at U of I the best person to look at a heart is ONLY a cardiologist because they have specifically learned the angles and views for this kind of thing, on one hand I was kinda madd it was missed… on the other.. it all happened as it should,  because if we had found the mass prior at the ER visit and her procedure would I have proceeded with surgery to do the pericardial window?… maybe, maybe not… would the surgeon have wanted to do it knowing?… maybe.. maybe not…. so in the end.. I still have my girl with me for as long as she decides she can stay with me.. and to say those words out loud in writing… welts my whole body!!!… So I guess in a twisted way.. Im glad they missed the mass, because it allowed me to just say…well its Neka,…. shes going to keep fighting…

(the only thing that is different is because the episodes happened in the car each time, shes now anxious in the car and gets worked up, Ive tried so many different things, food, sedatives, rescue remedy, but cant shake it, and she has gone everywhere with me her whole life, she still wants to go, but 15mn into car ride, shes all anxious, trembling, heavy panting… I feel bad, but also trying to stick to routine.. but dont want her to have a heart attack..(literally)..uug}.

If it was any other type of mass I would probably try to address it.. but being a hemangiosarcoma… nasty suckers….there is more risk than benefit not to mention that its not contained like in the spleen so its open, with leakage everywhere everytime the bleeding trickles…. I wish there were other treatments that could help shrink it or contain it.. but its all kind of non specific… I could try metronomic therapy.. but with both masses and her never trying it before (plus apparently onco said no sure proof it could help- not enough studies for this type of cancer).. would I risk her feeling crappy or getting worse?… on the other hand could she be in that wierd bracket that it does help and give us more quality time for life to live by controlling it longer?… there was another IV chemo.. i cant remember the name that I could try, but also no real results known.. Ill have to look it up again… but IDK how much success it has….

the hardest part of all of this is she is acting exactly the same as her self…bossy.. fun…loving… obnoxious… antsy… bored… cuddly…… .  yet to know something is eating her insides and consequently shes a walking time bomb… because this type and placement will be quick without notice.. so to know shes here one minute and could vanish in the next… is really.. reallly hard for me to wrap my head around….and the fact that in all that shes gone through all the research Ive done… my hands are not tied.. TIED… to know.. and to have no options,.. nothing else to offer her.. uug.. mann thats hard to swallow….. of course Im doing the mushroom therapy and appocaps, since the mushroom has had more known results for this specific type.. Im a bit more aggressive with those doses..

Don’t get me wrong… Im being positive and feeling blessed that shes all herself and I know she doesn’t know whats going on so I keep on schedule and buy more .. I definitely don’t want her to feel my feeling of failure… I know .. I know I did all I could… but still….sometimes I feel humanities carelessness fails those that had nothing to do with it… environmental toxins.. breeding… we need to learn to care for our earth.. because.. what you can’t see… WILL ultimately Kill you!!.. I know im being all harsh.. .but the wondering bitter mind…

enough of that!!.. more fun pics…



I do want to add thought.. that I dont regret one thing I did for her.. all 1000% worth it… and even missing the heart mass…. was for the best as I still have her and shes doing great and even if she wasn’t persevereing .. I gave her that chance.. I gave her the tools for her to fight with.. I can only supply the means the rest is in her….Only thing I think I would do if faced with this in the future Is have more ultrasound check ups.. I Kept checking the lungs.. but only a couple ultrasounds in 2yrs.. then I could fully monitor everything and all changes occurring early on.. especially since she was already susceptible to mets, even though these arent mets.. it would still have been a good diagnostic tool to monitor her….








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