Neka's Cancer/Life Journey

So after a 17 hour day, I am home for the night..

After sooo much contemplation. I opted for the thoracascopically entrance to her pericardium. It took me like 6 hours to decide this today.. yes thats correct 6 hours.. but I sat with her the whole time.

I heard the surgeon and the onco and to me they seemd to have much much different approaches which is expected, but i could tell oncology was giving me the this is bad and the options wont cure her, not pushy just specific, but also understood that she beat alot of other statistics. The surgeon was gong-ho on lets do it all, but he admitted hes a fighter too…. I asked him, am I asking too much of her? He said well we can do a few things, I can go in thoroscopically and make the window, but if she were to go down hill agian, we wouldnt really know why.  we could do a CT scan which could tell us where it is and how big, but cant really tell you “what kind it is”. we could go in via full surgical incision and I can take a look at it and if it a large mass we can decide to go no furthur or if I dont see anything we can move and finish the liver..

OMG.. So I sit here in teh room with her and look at her and weight all these things and I see a what appears to be weaker pup, not weaker than the day before but weaker than the last episode. yet, no decrepit. I was faced with some financial contraints as my card is almost maxed.. and lets say my limit is generous. (after all it is Neka’s card, such an overspender:)) but felt I can always make more $, but what is feasible in her recovery.. because of suspect HSA, and afer 6 hours I decided to do the minimal evasive approach and even then, as heavy as she was resting I wondered, Even if I give her the tools to fight, can she even use the tools. but then she stretches and dreams while resting and repositions herself, and someone that does that is not ready.. they are still there.. So we took her outside for the first time since i was there,… gurnied her out to the grass then let her stand and pee.. and upon leaving the visitor room, shes all perky..looking and smelling everything,, I told her lets go potty and she get up with assist(after all heart is not working at full capacity because of fluid) and she pees, smelling trying to mosley along.. Im like..OKaay.. clearly you are still NEKA… she starts to turn white gumed fairly quickly so back to the gurnie….it a low one to the ground and to my surprise she likes it…lol… made me laugh.. I tell her up she steps up with front leg I help with back…(those damn knees) and lays down like ok guys hurry up.. all alert and perky while rolling her back into the building and she gets off with assist as she is still kind of wobbly and weak.

So that moment, made my decision even better… we had to do it… at least try..I knew shed never make it home so its this or nothing..

Well shes out of surgery and recovering, they drained 1liter of blood from her plural space.. holly cow… that a whole lot of blood, and her RBC was low after surgery, but not from bleeding out, but from this leaky “mass” that we cant see. He was able to see about 50% of the heart and could not see a mass but with the scope you cant see everything based on access. The blood is a concern, will it stop and resolve, will it be a continued problem causing anemia and eventually difficulty breathing? Unknown.. a def risk that oncology told me about, but I had to try.  I didnt do CT first because their CTs are very expensive and I was torn with if they don’t find anything then I depleted my funds on CT but now she has a better chance for full surgery… I didnt do open chest because of the invasivness of it and it was actually increased cost. I mean when i say cost.. like 10K if I did heart and liver.. mannnn…. but not knowing how heart goes, I felt it wasnt invasive as it could be and I had to give her a chance… The surgeon does not know where all that blood came from and he said I couldnt see and added leak the heart wasnt gooshing blood, yesterday her RBC were normal, so was this all in one day or just a radom acute bleed, xrays still showed lungs clear last week, we didnt do them today… so it is what it is..

Just prayers she does come out of it and that she comes home tomorrow(today now..uugh) She has a chest tube in tonight for any accumulation of blood and will have a transfusion for RBC replenishment… So hoping she stabilizes even more….

now hopefully I can rest without being on guard with the phone..

~ by neka03 on December 12, 2015 .