Neka's Cancer/Life Journey

To my girl,

as the 4th of July is such an obvious memorial day, I also draw to memories of you, I cant believe its been a year since you had to go; smiles and tears overwhelm me, so much love pours through my heart, I laugh and cry, I don’t know which is greater. Just want you to know, I love you!

Happy Birthday Neka!

Love,

Your Earthly Guardian

selfie fun!!

To my warrior,

I cannot believe its been a year since I’ve lost you, as it feels like you were just next to me…like we were still fighting cancer yesterday. Some of my days are so long yet the year has been so short, my heart still aches for you at a level that comes from the depth of my soul …. I have failed you, in finding myself stuck, but am working hard on fixing that…. remembering that you loved everything around you with such joy and happiness, If only I could grow up to be like you and learn to see the amazing in all things. I loved that the most about you and the way your smile has touched so many. Thank you for choosing me to be your guardian. You carried me more than I could have ever imagined. I will be awaiting my next guardian job. Your footprint….your legacy….will be carried with honor.

(thank you God for blessing me with her, Thank you)

Love,

Your Guardian

Neka 7/4/2003-4/5/2016

selfie fun!!

I was going to catch somehting

Neka & horsey sister june 2015

so noble.

to my precious heart and soul,  I miss you more than any words can say   you’d be officially 13 today!!. I miss you with ALL of my heart and soul. the hole in my heart and my life  is still so soo deep so raw, so eternal. ..but I pray, I pray you are in a place that can understand and a place you are free..!! If I only had one more moment.

So I had a painting done of Neka by a really cool artist at mypoochface.com

I love that he uses color as accents in the face of the fur-baby. His paintings were just really unique, they really spoke to me and made me instantly think of  Neka & all tripawds, as they are all full of color, their personalities and journeys are colorful and bold.

So here they are. plus a couple other fun ones(just becuz).. if you like them tell them I sent you!!

I couldn’t bring myself to take off the plastic yet..lol..

I made this face when I was eating baby carrots at the barn.. I love baby carrots!!

mom.. what are you doing??!!

this is the pic I sent in that he worked off of.. This is one of my favorites because it shows so much of Neka.. her personality; her smile; her inquisitive expression.

So I started out writing a very, very, very log post.. regarding my not so impressive consult with an onco that I only saw a couple of times.. But i decided not to and deleted the whole thing, so to just sum it up to say.. Do not settle!!. There is a balance with not liking what you hear even though you need to hear it and also not getting the innovation and direction we all deserve, in EVERY situation, which should always be individualized.   I was  only looking for ways to control the situation at hand while she remains herself. Clearly we missed the mark somewhere.

Summary:

1)I miss my old onco who moved back to canada,

2) not everyone is as positive and insightful with passion and innovative as Dr Sue… lol.. never met her but her passion resonates through everything I read of hers, even if its sad situation. Because Yes, In cancer we have lots of negatives/ sad situations.

3)note to vets, get to know your owners, understand their background, yes you are an animal MD, but please get to know the pet guardians, this will help to keep open communication

NE way!!.. thats, that….in the meantime..looking into cryosurgery/therapy to possible assist us if needed. Again, on my own!! wheres our advocates. Hoping I can find something.

Heres some spring pics today…

Neither one is good.

well the pathology report is in…Nekas oral mass is malignant neoplasia with mitotic count 22 per 10 high pwr fields…not clean.. which we really already suspected because he just took off the surface mass….

Officially is an Anaplastic sarcoma either a histiocytic or Hemangiosarcoma of unknown origin… so I can have the sample sent for added testing of a Immunohistochemical antigen testing for markers to know more about it and possible ways to treat it.. problem is no clean margins and what would it take for clean margins and can she handle it with all other things going on, I know the specialty center can definitely attack it and clean it out but most likely invasive but sometimes I feel like approach can get stuck in protocols vs maybe non conventional approach. idk dammit dammit…  If i  leave it, it could take over very quickly, I remove it could involve teeth and alot of digging…uug

here some pics of what this little sucker looks like, so urge all guardians to take a peak inside your pooches/cats mouth regularly. I brush her teeth weekly and I still missed it. Just like you check their body, sweep the mouth too, use your phone flashlight while they are panting if you hadn’t conditioned your dog to look inside, and remember for your next pup to condition them to mouth work.

Some of the before pics look more red than others, this is correct, it got more inflamed as time passed..only 5 days

Before biopsy

After biopsy removal and CO2 laser to do flush it to palate… no full marginal excision

So, we had a bit of an annoying possible scare/added challenge to our life. Possible oral mass, out for bx as we speak, not good, I will update on that with pics in a few days with results, but for now I just want to share love and life.

hop–hop

I can do it

man I get tired after hopping..

yup im cute..!!

I am always, always smiling…every day.. reminding mom.. Im Ok!!

Just an update on what loving life looks like!! Oh and a strange 40+ degrees in Feb..(for the midwest)

I stand proud!!

so…mom said I can’t go in the mud right now, so I just layed and looked at it…lolol

always with an eye on me!!